No pain, no gain.

Pain.

According to the National Institutes of Health pain "...is a feeling triggered in the nervous system. [It] may be sharp or dull. It may come and go, or it may be constant. You may feel pain in one area of your body, such as your back, abdomen or chest or you may feel pain all over, such as when your muscles ache from the flu."

They go on to describe that pain can be beneficial, as it helps you identify and treat a problem which may have otherwise gone unnoticed.  Once the root cause is addressed though, the pain usually goes away.

Wonderful.

You may be wondering, "Why is Elder Horowitz talking about pain right now?"

I thought you would never ask.

I have had the opportunity to experience pain over the past couple of weeks.

No, not a spiritual pain for the sins of the world, not the mental anguish of sin, just your regular, everyday, old-fashioned, physical pain.

In VERY large amounts.

Story time:

I have a history of pain in my legs. That history came back to haunt me about a month ago...(Yes, I know, it's quite the delay but I am also working as a full-time missionary, which takes a lot of time.)  Throughout that day, the pain in my knees had been getting steadily worse. I took some ibuprofen and hoped it would go away or lessen to a more manageable level, like it usually does.

But it didn't, it got worse, till I couldn't bear it any longer. The pain felt like tiny knives jabbing underneath my kneecap every time I moved.

Which resulted in me having a late-night ER visit with one of my companions.

Not fun for him. I have picture evidence!~

Long story short:  I spent eight hours in the ER for a 20 minute visit, a couple x-rays, and for them to tell me I needed to see an orthopedist.  A week later, my appointment with the orthopedist came through and he told me I had Patellar Tendinitis.  Something which indicates poor muscles around the knees, which might explain the whole 'chronic knee pain' thing.

Well, if nothing else, it was a good experience and I managed to talk to a few people about the gospel!~

Thinking back on it, though I'm still feeling some pain in my leg, there are many ways this character building experience can be applied to the gospel, but the one that I would liken it unto would be this:

Repentance.

That's a big word.  It's a scary word for some people.

But it's not supposed to be.

Pain can follow a variety of different paths but when we sin, we feel guilt for what we have done.  I like the way that a certain Elder put it in his medical parable (which is beyond compare) that you can read here,

"Sin is the medical term we use for both the cause, and symptoms of 'Imperfectia.' The first time you exhibit an imperfect attribute, behavior, or tendency, and allow that to influence your decisions, it is a sign of a spiritual malfunction that is inherent with humans. In short, when you give in to weakness, and either do something wrong, or fail to do something right, it damages your spirit and the scar tissue causes you pain. This pain is known as "guilt."

"I feel fine now though, are you sure it isn't gone?", you respond.

"Unfortunately, it's not that simple. With something like high blood pressure, which can be triggered by a lack of exercise, its effects can be reversed when you begin exercising again. But once you've contracted Imperfectia, you cannot be cured by resuming a good life. Unless every element if imperfection in you is eliminated, your spirit will continue to have occasional failures, which will in turn lead to more pain."

Though sometimes, I feel like I've gone beyond, the pain reminds me that it's still there.

If it's not treated by repentance, confessing and forsaking said sin, then it festers until it becomes a gaping wound. 

Unless I start ignoring it, thinking, "It's not too bad, I can manage with this."  The sin holds me back and eventually, I forget about it.  I begin changing my thinking to accommodate,

"This is normal"

"This is the way things are."

The pain which was once NOT normal, which I had avoided, becomes a part of me and I begin to not want to part with it. It becomes part of my identity and I don't know what I would do without it.  I become dependent on it.  It becomes my crutch.  I no longer am free and I hobble around yelling to everyone, "This is the way I am!"

Sometimes, life forces us down, shoving us to the ground.  We feel like our enemies surround us and we have absolutely no way out.  Occasionally, all we can do is let ourselves be taken down.

I remember, this one video game, Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core the main character Zack Fair was trying his best to save a friend and get back to those he cared about.

***Spoiler Alert*** (If you care)

"Those wings... I want them too..."-Zack Fair

He succeeds in saving his friend, yet he gets critically injured.  He'd been trying so hard to become a hero to his friends and those around him, but life had shut him down.

As he was lying there dying, he saw his mentor, teacher, and friend, Angeal(who had died previously) flying in the sky.  All he could do was look up and say, "Those wings... I want them too..."

*** End Spoilers ***

When we're on our back, we look upward, seeing those who are free and, like Zack, we want that freedom.

We want to be free from the confines and the constant struggle of trying to survive(At least that's how I feel sometimes).  For me that freedom is found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

"Every soul confined in a prison of sin, guilt, or perversion has a key to the gate. The key is labeled repentance. If you know how to use this key, the adversary cannot hold you [down]. The twin principles of repentance and forgiveness exceed in strength the awesome power of the tempter."  -Boyd K. Packer  "Cleansing the Inner Vessel"

Because we are imperfect, in this life we have pain, and we can either let that pain rule us and force us down a path we don't want to go, or we can learn and grow from that pain, trying to forsake our sins and bad habits and become better than the man(or woman) we were yesterday.

When we use the Atonement of Jesus Christ to turn that pain into progress, we take advantage of an infinite power source to carry us further in our own goals.

Yes, I know, this is meant to motivate us to work out, but I would liken it to spiritual growth.

That guilt we feel doesn't need to hold us back. We can learn from it, forsake it, then flex our spiritual muscles and prepare to fly. We don't need to be earthbound. We're children of a HEAVENLY FATHER.  Why let our sins and our pain hold us back?

I admit, sometimes, it's not that simple. There are some things which we cannot change, there are some things which are natural or inborn, within us...

But do we give in to our desires? Do we throw discipline out the window? If our physical muscles are screaming for relief but our workout set isn't done, do we stop?

Or on the flip-side, if my knee is damaged do I keep using it as I had, before it is healed and risk further injury?

If there's anything that I know I have a testimony of, it's that Jesus Christ has felt everything that we have and can help strengthen us in our weakness if we let him.

All we need to do is ask.  

If you feel like you are too unworthy to ask, too scarred by past mistakes, too far gone, or even just scared for whatever reason, remember this little quote from one of our Apostles,

Taken from his talk, "Like a Broken Vessel"

To Learn more about Jeffery R. Holland, click here!~

To learn more about Boyd K. Packer, click here!~

Lessons Learned from Lindsey

A friend of mine once asked me a couple of months ago, "What does the Atonement mean to you?"

At first, I thought, "That's easy, it means everything!"

Then I realized that I couldn't effectively communicate my feelings regarding the Atonement of Jesus Christ .

I had to think about it a lot.  I tried over and over to put it into definite and simple words, but they wouldn't come as easily as I thought they would, but with my Zone Leaders Workshop and a little inspirational Fireside from Lindsey Stirling(My mission allows me to rub shoulders with celebrities sometimes more than once!). I finally have my answer.

About a month before the Lindsey Stirling Fireside, our Zone Leaders set up a workshop for us to learn titled, "Lay it at the Saviors Feet".  An awesome Sister Missionary(Sister Rowley) wrote about her own experience from it here.

The workshop was about us learning to lay our regrets, our problems and our worries at the Saviors feet. 

When they asked us to think about our regrets and what we could have done better,  I couldn't think about anything I honestly regretted, sure, things that I could have done better, but life is a work in progress!~

A verse of scripture that did come to mind was when Peter asked Jesus what John the Beloved would do,

"If I will that he[John] tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me." (John 21:22)

In this case it said to me, "Well, what does it matter if I want someone else to take the spotlight or to be center stage? Right now I want you to follow me." (I realize it's a bit out of context and in reality Jesus was talking about how Peter was to follow the Savior in martyrdom, but at this time, that was what the verse was saying to me)

I pondered on that for a couple days.  What does it mean to follow the savior?

The Atonement of Jesus Christ is something which strengthens me.  It cleanses me of my sins and regrets.  The Savior felt everything that we have felt, as it says in the Book of Mormon, "...that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people..." (Alma 7:12)

These are the facts of the Atonement but my friend had asked me, what the Atonement meant to me... which I was still struggling to put into words and as Albert Einstien said,

"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough." 

This is where Lindsey Stirling comes in.

Picture taken from mormon.org

Let it be known, I now appreciate Lindsey Stirling. She is a fantastic public speaker.  This past Wednesday, she came to the Visitors' Center(on her day off, I might add) to speak those who wanted to listen.  There's a Deseret New's article on what happened 'here'.

Lindsey opened the fireside with this statement, "What does it mean to finish at the wrong finish line?  Absolutely nothing."

She went on to relate to us one of her experiences as a cross-country runner in high school, in typical Lindsey flair(I can't really communicate that in plain text... So I'll just give a summary).

In this particular race, the men's and women's courses were right next to one another.  She had been running near the front of the pack, yet she had lost sight of the lead runners.  Soon she caught sight of the finish line and ran with all her might!  Though to her dismay, she quickly found out that it was the men's finish and she had just led everyone who was following her to it.

There were many interpretations you could get out of the story but she went on to tell us about how our own definition of a finish line might be a little different from Gods definition for us.
  
Next, she told us about her experience in America's Got Talent, when she auditioned after thinking and praying long and hard about it.

She got past the auditions and in her own words said, "After that, I started attaching my happiness to doing well[in America's Got Talent], just getting to the next round, saying to my Heavenly Father, 'If I just make it to the next round, then I'll be happy'"

To finish her story, she told us about the end of her Live Television Debut.  I don't remember the exact words which she used but it was heart-wrenching enough.  The celebrity judges gave her 'the giant X' halfway through her performance then afterwards proceeded to tell her she would never amount to anything.

I'd read about her experience before she spoke to us but coming from her in person, it became a real event to me. I hurt for her.

Lindsey's confidence was shattered and she felt like she would never perform again.  To finish her story, she related a quote from a movie, "Cool Runnings", (I've never seen it, but apparently it's super good stuff). 

Coach Irv was a four-time Olympic gold medalist yet for his fifth, he cheated, was caught and had his medals stripped from him.  When he was asked by his trainees years later why he cheated, he said about the medals and their confidence in themselves, "If you're not enough without it, then you're not enough with it." 

Lindsey wanted us to understand that our sense of self-worth can't come from the world.  We can't attach that self-worth to something which is transient.

She then told us about her service as a Sister Missionary.

Taken from Mormon.org

"Confidence comes from the Spirit", she said, then she referenced D&C 121:45, which states,

"...let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God..." 

You might be wondering, "Is he just including all these references to Lindsey Stirling so he can brag about it?"

No, I am not.

I am including this because of what happened after the fireside which allowed me to state in simple terms what the atonement means to me.


You see, I haven't had much interaction with celebrities of high caliber(big surprise, right?).  Well afterwards, she was basically mobbed (in the nicest sense of the word) by her besotted fans, who rushed up to her like children who had just heard that cotton candy was free at the Carnival for only five minutes.(I really wish I got a picture of that...).  I stood back and watched.

What really surprised me was that Lindsey didn't act annoyed, didn't tense up, didn't do anything which told me that she was frustrated with her fans.

She did the exact opposite.

She posed patiently with each person.  She tried to talk with them(sort of).  She kept posing with people once she had been told that the Visitors' Center was closing.  The lights were turned off and everybody was told to get going and even as she was leaving to the backstage, she still took pictures, apologizing profusely that she had to leave.

It was interesting.  Yes, you can make the argument that she's a celebrity, she's just doing her job, but for me, it was the catalyst of my thought process.

As I was watching all of these people, a scripture came to mind about the Savior when he visited the people of America,

"...he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them."  3 Nephi 17:21

Lindsey, whether she realized it or not, was emulating the Savior(from my viewpoint).

As Mormons, we are supposed to remember the Savior at all times and in all places, trying to be like him and do what he would do.  Earlier in the fireside, she had referenced "The Lion King", when Mufasa came to Simba in a vision telling him,

"You have forgotten who you are, and therefore, forgotten me."

We are to remember that we are children of our Heavenly Father and that he loves us.  His Son, Jesus Christ, came to the Earth not only to show us an example of how to live but to perform the Atonement, to make sure that we could return to our Father in Heaven.

From that, my mind shifted into high-gear, jumping from idea to idea like a kangaroo hyped-up on caffeine-

1. As we remember who we are, we remember our Father in Heaven.
2. We remember the Savior and try to be like him.
3. Memories are important
4. As we make choices and learn from the mistakes we remember, character is formed
5. Confidence is gained as we follow the commandments and as we, "...let virtue garnish our thoughts..."
6. The Atonement helps us change ourselves so that we can be confident in the presence of God.
7. Missionaries are super-confident sometimes. (okay, pretty much all the time, at least to the public...)
8. Eureka.

To me, choices have become a pretty big thing in my life as I've written before.  I've always got a choice, though it may be more difficult, depending on the circumstances.

Then it made sense.  The atonement means so much to me because I can choose.  I make mistakes.  I mess up.  I trip and fall, then get back up.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ means I can make choices in confidence.  I am free to act.  I don't have to be afraid that I'll be shut out of the presence of God because I made a mistake. I know that as long as I am sincerely trying to move forward and take the appropriate steps of repentance, I can be confident before the Lord.  I can't choose my consequences, true, but I can choose the best course of action according to my beliefs.  I can make choices to determine my character and try emulate Jesus Christ.  The Atonement means that I can one day stand before Heavenly Father and, "though [my] sins be as scarlet", because of Jesus Christ "[my sins] shall be as white as snow" Isaiah 1:18

It was a fantastic step forward for me~

So, yeah, it was good.~


In other news:

So not only was Wednesday a happy day, it was also a sad one; it was transfer meeting! My trainer, Elder Radford finished his two years of service and headed home.  My trainee, Elder Elliott is training a brand new missionary, fresh from the MTC whose name is Elder Hamblin.  I've included a picture of all four of us in one final shot...  A lot of people whom I respected and looked up to finished their service on that day.

(Left to right)Elder Hamblin, Elder Radford, Me(!), and Elder Elliott

This was the friend of mine who supplied the picture of Lindsey Stirling speaking at the Visitors' Center.

It's been a while since I've seen her so it was great!~

So to sum things up: 

Due to a lesson which my leaders gave to us and a small fireside by Lindsey Stirling, I can say with confidence why the Atonement of Jesus Christ means so much to me.

Enjoy a complimentary video about the Atonement where the Apostles testify of Him!~

Seasons Come and Go...

This past Wednesday was Transfer meeting...

     

The Missionaries that had completed their assigned time spoke in front of the rest of us, the new arrivals(fresh from the MTC!) were introduced with their trainers(I was in their place a bit over a year ago!), we all said our Goodbyes; tears were shed, good luck was wished and we went on our merry ways.

Thinking back to when I first arrived, I didn't know anybody; who was leaving, who arrived with me, it was just my MTC companion and me...

This time, I knew all eleven of the 'dying'(departing) missionaries, I respected them for who they are and had a personal relationship/friendship/acquaintanceship with each one of them.  I also knew most of the Senior Couples.

Some of the Fantastic Senior Couples that left!

A scripture came to mind at this point:

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:  A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted...  -Full Reference-

It's crazy what can happen in a year.

People change over time.  I've definitely changed as I have gotten older.  We keep on improving, knowing that there is purpose in our life, even if it's the purpose we give it.

As I mentioned before, there were several missionaries(Elders, Sisters, and Senior Couples) whom I respected immensely who went home that day.  They had finished their mission.  It was tough to see them go, but it was time for them to move on...

So here I am, ready to face the new day, knowing that in a year, I will be in their place...

Speaking of time,

The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he(or she) does, whoever (s)he is.  -C.S. Lewis

This is not a picture of me...